The Issue with Friend Set-Ups
Now I'm not saying that your friends, or even your aunt Bestie don't have great intentions when trying to set you up. They do. However, there is a reason why I'm the matchmaker by trade and you're best friend Tim, is... well... a dentist. Or wall street guy. Such factors come also into play in this sort of 'set up scenario' when you consider the fact that they are only dipping into the dating pool of choices within a much smaller 'database' of people. Friends simply won't have the same level in options based on numbers, and many people tend to think "Oh gee, wouldn't it be SO CUTE if Mary Ann and Christopher were a couple? I'd get to see a lot more of them both!"
Sadly, sometimes that's the only criteria your friends are thinking of when coming up with a set up. In other cases, the fact that two people are 'single' = a great match. That may sound funny, but it's true.So, if you still decide you are going to choose to go ahead with setting up a friend - consider right off the bat some basic tips. Before you start pairing off all the friends you're bringing together, heed the DOs and DON'Ts of hooking up your friends, from someone who knows the game pretty well...
BASIC MUST-KNOW TIPS:
DO use caution when matching two friends. You must take this into consideration. You always want to be cautious when deciding to set up a gal pal with a close guy friend--lifelong friendships have been lost over this! Unlike a matchmaker who can be subjective with both parties, you may find yourself in a hairy situation when something doesn’t work out. For the untrained matchmaker, I would advise sticking to setting up acquaintances wherever possible!
DO be clear about intentions and lay out the boundaries. When setting up friends, family, or even acquaintances with one another, let them know that you would be thrilled if it works out but are a neutral party. Explain, if they feel it’s worth the connection, regardless of outcome you would prefer not to be in the middle!
DON’T force it. No one likes a friend who sticks her nose where it doesn’t need to be. If you know a girlfriend is open and looking, being a thoughtful friend is one thing. Meddling in someone’s business and being a pushy friend who wants to play matchmaker is another.
DO use full disclosure. Meaning, if you are going to take the time to set up a pal, make sure you give him/her as much information on the other person as possible--and preferably a photo whenever possible. Though you have a great hunch the date would lead to a chance for chemistry, you also want both parties feeling comfortable with what they are going into without being so ‘blind’.
DON’T micromanage. Once the date has been set up, let things unfold naturally and don’t feel the need to oversee things from there. As tempting as it is, you can still be excited for your friends while at the same time sitting back and letting it be ‘their thing’. As a matchmaker, I even follow this guideline so as to let things flow and to give my clients enough room to let the spark happen in a very real way.
DON’T take it personally. As I have learned over the seven years of doing my job, when things work out and two people hit the pavement running into an exciting new relationship together; well, sometimes the matchmaker (and in this case, YOU) are one of the last ones to get credit for any of it. You might even be the last one to know! Sure, perhaps you feel a little hurt for not being included in the details, you’re not the first one who knew they were running off to the Carribean, or you found out through someone else one was meeting the other’s parents this weekend. Don’t take it personally. Sometimes people might even be shy about mentioning they met on a blind date set up--doesn’t matter. Don’t do this with the expectations of credit or thanks. Do it because you want to see people happy and for the sheer joy of effecting two people’s lives in a huge way. It’s good karma.
